Why Ambivalence During the Change Process Is Normal, Expected, and a Strength
Ambivalence is the tension between your current self and potential for transformation.
Change is a constant, yet navigating it often feels daunting. Whether it’s a career pivot, adopting healthier habits, or stepping away from burnout, the process of change is rarely linear. For high-achieving professionals who are accustomed to decisive action, ambivalence—that simultaneous desire to both change and stay the same—can feel like a roadblock.
However, ambivalence isn’t a flaw; it’s a natural and expected part of the change process. When embraced, it can even become a powerful tool for growth.
What Is Ambivalence, Really?
In simple terms: ambivalence is what happens when your future self starts to whisper, but your current self still wants to hang out in the comfort zone.
Psychologists define ambivalence as the coexistence of conflicting thoughts and feelings. It’s that internal push-pull of I want this and but also, I really don’t—whether we’re talking about starting a morning routine, stepping away from a toxic leadership role, or finally admitting that your “wine o’clock” coping strategy might be doing more harm than good.
And here’s the kicker: the more meaningful the change, the stronger the ambivalence.
Especially for high performers used to certainty and control, this gray area can feel intolerable. You’re wired to take action. To have a plan. To move fast. So sitting in the discomfort of mixed feelings? Torture.
But if you can stop judging the indecision and start getting curious about it, ambivalence becomes a powerful tool for transformation.
Why Ambivalence Is a Strength (Yes, Really)
Ambivalence is the tension between who you are now and who you’re becoming. It’s not a weakness—it’s a portal.
Here’s why it matters:
1. It’s a Signal That You’re Paying Attention
Ambivalence means you’re actually thinking deeply about your choices. You’re not impulsively quitting your job or burning down your whole life in the name of “wellness.” You’re pausing. You’re considering the risks. You’re examining your values. That’s exactly what people who succeed long-term do.
2. It Surfaces the Real Work
Every meaningful change has a hidden cost. Let’s say you want better work-life balance—great! But you also fear being seen as “less ambitious.” Or maybe you want to get in shape—but deep down, you associate rest and recovery with guilt. That’s not laziness—that’s inner conflict. And it’s where your actual growth lies.
3. It Prevents Quick Fixes
Fast decisions can be seductive, but they rarely stick. The more time you spend understanding both sides of your ambivalence—the part of you that wants to change and the part that resists—the more likely you are to make changes that last.
The Science: Where Ambivalence Shows Up in the Change Process
In behavior change theory—specifically the Transtheoretical Model—ambivalence is most prominent in the Contemplation stage. That’s the stage where you’re not quite taking action, but you’re thinking about it, turning it over in your head, analyzing the cost-benefit equation.
This isn’t procrastination. It’s the essential foundation for change.
Most people skip this step or try to power through it because it feels uncomfortable. But when we avoid ambivalence, we also avoid depth. We choose surface-level change—think 30-day detoxes and gym streaks—and then wonder why nothing actually changes.
Working Through Ambivalence
While ambivalence is natural, it can’t be ignored. Avoiding these feelings often leads to stagnation or half-hearted efforts. Instead, embrace strategies that help you work through your ambivalence constructively:
1. Explore the "Why"
Interrogate both sides—hard.
Write down your reasons for wanting to change and the fears or concerns holding you back. No sugarcoating. No performative wellness-speak. Just the truth. For example:
Why I want to change: “I want to feel energized and focused at work.”
Why I hesitate: “I’m worried I’ll lose my competitive edge if I step away from constant hustle.”
Now ask: What would need to be true for me to change anyway? This exercise helps clarify your internal dialogue and reveals potential solutions.
This kind of values-aligned questioning is more powerful than setting another goal you’ll resent.
2. Leverage Motivational Interviewing (MI)
Motivational Interviewing is a collaborative, goal-oriented approach that helps individuals resolve ambivalence by:
Exploring Discrepancies: MI helps you to identify gaps between your current behaviors and your goals or values.
Eliciting "Change Talk": Through open-ended questions, affirmations, and reflections, MI helps you articulate your intrinsic motivations for change. Rather than prescribing solutions, it fosters a sense of ownership over your decisions.
This coaching approach is typically done with a therapist or health coach (hi 👋), but you can DIY it to some extent.
Start by identifying discrepancies:
You say you value health—but you’re sacrificing sleep for work.
You say you want peace—but you never say no to more responsibility.
Then explore your reasons for change—not what your doctor, your boss, or Instagram says you should care about. That’s called “change talk”—and it’s incredibly motivating when it’s yours.
3. Shift the Narrative from “Discipline” to “Alignment”
Discipline is overrated. If your changes rely on brute force, you’re set up to fail the moment your bandwidth runs out.
Alignment, on the other hand, asks: How do I make this feel like a natural extension of who I am? That’s the kind of change that sticks.
4. Focus on Small Wins
Big changes often feel overwhelming. Start tiny. Win Big. Break your goals into manageable steps to build momentum. Change doesn’t have to be dramatic to be effective. It just has to be consistent.
Try:
A 10-minute walk between Zoom calls.
Turning off email notifications after 7 p.m.
Drinking a glass of water before your third coffee.
These aren’t just habits. They’re signals to your nervous system that you’re no longer subscribing to burnout culture.
5. Get a Mirror You Trust
Ambivalence thrives in isolation. You need someone who can reflect back your patterns without judgment—and help you spot the stories you’re telling yourself that no longer serve you.
This could be a coach, a mentor, or even a trusted peer. The key is finding someone who won’t let you hide behind perfectionism, but will meet you with empathy and strategy.
What Most People Get Wrong About Change (And What to Do Instead)
Here’s the truth no one talks about in the motivational quote carousel on social media: You don’t have to feel 100% ready to take action. You just have to feel 51% ready.
Change rarely comes with full certainty. The people who succeed are the ones willing to take imperfect, messy action while holding space for their doubt.
So the question isn’t:
“How do I stop feeling torn?”
It’s:
“Am I willing to take the next step, even with some hesitation in my back pocket?”
Final Thoughts: Turning Ambivalence Into Action
Ambivalence signals that you’re on the cusp of growth. It’s the tension between your current self and your potential, a space ripe for transformation. By leaning into this discomfort and addressing it head-on, you’re not only preparing for change—you’re ensuring it’s meaningful and sustainable.
High achievers thrive on clear strategies and actionable steps. If ambivalence is clouding your path forward, start by asking yourself: What small change can I commit to today? Then, trust that the process of working through conflicting feelings will lead you to greater clarity, resilience, and fulfillment.
Need Help? Change isn’t the risk—staying stuck is.
If you’re afraid to slow down, pivot, or try something new… that’s exactly where the work is.
Let’s figure out what growth looks like without losing everything you’ve built.
📅 Book a free 20-minute strategy session. Change doesn’t have to mean chaos.
Article References
The sources cited in the article:
Psychology Today (PT). “Exploring Ambivalence.” PT - Exploring Ambivalence
Harvard Business Review (HBR). “Embracing the Power of Ambivalence.” HBR - Embracing the Power of Ambivalence
National Institutes of Health (NIH). "Ready, Willing, Able: A Model to Explain Successful Use of Feedback." NIH - Ready,Willing,Able
Thoughtworks “Change Management in the Agile World.” Thoughtworks - Change Management in the Agile World
Positive Psychology (PP). "How to Assess and Improve Readiness for Change." PP - Assess and Improve Readiness for Change
Prosci. "The Comprehensive Guide to Mastering Readiness.” Prosci - Comprehensive Guide to Mastering Readiness
Harvard Business Review (HBR). “How to Deal with Resistance to Change.” HBR - How to Deal with Resistance to Change
Research Gate (RG). “Change Ready, Resistant, or Both?” RG - Change Ready, Resistant, or Both?
Forbes. “5 Ways to Increase Change Readiness and Drive Results.” Forbes - Increase Change Readiness and Drive Results