Why Ambivalence During the Change Process Is Normal, Expected, and a Strength
Ambivalence is the tension between your current self and potential for transformation.
Change is a constant, yet navigating it often feels daunting. Whether it’s a career pivot, adopting healthier habits, or stepping away from burnout, the process of change is rarely linear. For high-achieving professionals who are accustomed to decisive action, ambivalence—that simultaneous desire to both change and stay the same—can feel like a roadblock.
However, ambivalence isn’t a flaw; it’s a natural and expected part of the change process. When embraced, it can even become a powerful tool for growth.
Understanding Ambivalence
Ambivalence is the coexistence of conflicting feelings or thoughts about a decision. It’s the internal tug-of-war that occurs when you recognize the benefits of change but are equally aware of the comfort or perceived security in staying the same. For example:
A burned-out professional may yearn for a healthier work-life balance but fear appearing less committed to their career.
Someone seeking to improve their fitness may desire the long-term benefits of regular exercise while dreading the initial effort it requires.
This duality is particularly prevalent during the "contemplation" stage of change, as outlined in the Transtheoretical Model of Behavior Change. In this stage, individuals weigh the pros and cons of taking action but haven’t yet fully committed. The tension can be uncomfortable, but it’s also where deep self-reflection and meaningful transformation begin.
Embracing Ambivalence as a Strength
High achievers often see indecision as a weakness, but ambivalence is not an obstacle to be eradicated; it’s a signal to slow down and explore. Here’s why ambivalence is essential to the change process:
It Encourages Self-Awareness: Ambivalence forces you to examine your priorities, values, and motivations. This introspection ensures that the changes you pursue align with what truly matters to you.
It Builds Emotional Resilience: Working through conflicting feelings helps you develop tolerance for uncertainty, a skill that’s invaluable in both personal and professional growth.
It Fuels Sustainable Change: By addressing both your reasons for and against change, you’re more likely to create a balanced, realistic plan that supports long-term success rather than a quick fix.
Working Through Ambivalence
While ambivalence is natural, it can’t be ignored. Avoiding these feelings often leads to stagnation or half-hearted efforts. Instead, embrace strategies that help you work through your ambivalence constructively:
1. Explore the "Why"
Write down your reasons for wanting to change and the fears or concerns holding you back. For example:
Why I want to change: “I want to feel energized and focused at work.”
Why I hesitate: “I’m worried I’ll lose my competitive edge if I step away from constant hustle.”
This exercise helps clarify your internal dialogue and reveals potential solutions.
2. Practice Self-Compassion
Recognize that ambivalence is a normal response to uncertainty. Instead of judging yourself for feeling stuck, acknowledge the courage it takes to confront difficult choices.
3. Leverage Motivational Interviewing (MI)
Motivational Interviewing is a collaborative, goal-oriented approach that helps individuals resolve ambivalence by:
Exploring Discrepancies: MI encourages you to identify gaps between your current behaviors and your goals or values. For example, if you value health but prioritize work over sleep, MI helps you reconcile this conflict.
Eliciting "Change Talk": Through open-ended questions, affirmations, and reflections, MI helps you articulate your intrinsic motivations for change. Rather than prescribing solutions, it fosters a sense of ownership over your decisions.
4. Focus on Small Wins
Big changes often feel overwhelming. Break your goals into manageable steps to build momentum. If reducing work stress feels daunting, start with a single habit, like a 10-minute morning walk.
5. Seek Support
Ambivalence can be isolating, especially for high performers who feel they must project confidence. Working with a coach or mentor provides a judgment-free space to navigate these emotions and develop actionable strategies.
Final Thoughts: Turning Ambivalence Into Action
Ambivalence signals that you’re on the cusp of growth. It’s the tension between your current self and your potential, a space ripe for transformation. By leaning into this discomfort and addressing it head-on, you’re not only preparing for change—you’re ensuring it’s meaningful and sustainable.
High achievers thrive on clear strategies and actionable steps. If ambivalence is clouding your path forward, start by asking yourself: What small change can I commit to today? Then, trust that the process of working through conflicting feelings will lead you to greater clarity, resilience, and fulfillment.
Article References
The sources cited in the article:
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