Four Crazy Questions to Help Understand Your Ambivalence and Navigate Change
Instead of being paralyzed by fear, gain perspective on what’s keeping you stuck.
Change is hard. Whether you’re trying to adopt healthier habits, leave a toxic job, or finally prioritize your mental health, making a shift can feel overwhelming. It’s no surprise that so many people feel stuck—caught between the desire for something better and the fear of stepping into the unknown. But what if the key to moving forward wasn’t forcing yourself to change, but instead understanding why you’re resisting it?
Chronic stress and burnout make change even harder. When you’re exhausted, anxious, or overwhelmed, the idea of taking on something new—no matter how beneficial—can feel impossible. Instead of pushing forward without clarity, it helps to take a step back and examine the deeper psychological factors at play.
That’s where the 4 Crazy Questions come in. These questions dig into the hidden benefits of staying the same, the potential risks of change, and what’s truly at stake in your decision-making process. By answering them honestly, you can break through your mental roadblocks and make empowered choices about your health, career, and life.
Crazy Question 1: What is GOOD about NOT changing?
At first, this might seem counterintuitive. If you’re thinking about change, doesn’t that mean something isn’t working? Maybe—but even unhelpful habits or toxic environments often serve a purpose. This question helps uncover why staying the same feels easier or even beneficial in some way.
Why ask this? This question reveals the hidden perks of your current situation. Even if you logically know a change would be good for you, there are reasons you’ve stayed put. Acknowledging these can help you understand your resistance and work with it instead of against it.
Examples:
Comfort and predictability: The familiar—even if it’s unhealthy—feels safe.
Less effort required: Maintaining the status quo doesn’t demand extra energy.
Avoidance of discomfort: Change can be painful, requiring you to confront fears or insecurities.
Short-term rewards: Unhealthy coping mechanisms, like stress eating or scrolling on social media, might provide temporary relief.
How to reflect:
What aspects of your current situation feel safe or comfortable?
What emotional or physical benefits do you get from staying the same?
How does the status quo help you avoid challenges or discomfort?
Crazy Question 2: What would be BAD about changing?
Even when we know change is necessary, it can bring discomfort, uncertainty, and risk. This question helps you uncover the real fears that might be holding you back.
Why ask this? Change often comes with trade-offs. Recognizing them allows you to plan for the obstacles and adjust your approach instead of letting fear keep you stuck.
Examples:
Loss of routine: Making a change means disrupting familiar habits.
Social consequences: Your relationships might shift as you grow and evolve.
Fear of failure: If you attempt change and don’t succeed, will you feel worse?
Increased effort: New habits take energy, and when you’re already burnt out, that can feel overwhelming.
How to reflect:
What routines or comforts might you lose by changing?
How could change disrupt your relationships or identity?
What fears come up when you think about trying something new?
Crazy Question 3: What might be GOOD about changing?
Now, let’s shift gears. This question helps you tap into motivation by envisioning the positive outcomes that could come from making a change.
Why ask this? The mind tends to focus on risks and losses more than benefits. By deliberately looking at what could go right, you build motivation and momentum.
Examples:
Improved health: Better habits could lead to more energy, less stress, and a longer life.
Greater confidence: Overcoming challenges builds resilience and self-trust.
New opportunities: A career change or personal growth might open doors you never imagined.
Better relationships: Prioritizing your well-being could improve how you interact with others.
How to reflect:
If you made this change, how would your life improve?
What opportunities could open up?
What strengths or skills would you develop?
Crazy Question 4: What might be BAD about NOT changing?
Finally, the most powerful question: What’s the cost of staying the same? If you continue on your current path, what might your life look like in five or ten years?
Why ask this? Humans are wired to avoid pain. If you can clearly see the risks of inaction, you create urgency for change.
Examples:
Declining health: Neglecting your well-being today can lead to chronic issues later.
Regret: Years down the line, you might wish you had taken action sooner.
Increased stress or burnout: Without change, your mental and physical exhaustion could worsen.
Missed opportunities: Staying stuck might mean saying no to potential growth, relationships, or career advancements.
How to reflect:
If nothing changes, how will your life look in 5 or 10 years?
What consequences could you face by staying the same?
Will you regret not making a move sooner?
Turning Ambivalence into Action
These four questions aren’t about forcing change; they’re about understanding your ambivalence so you can make a decision with clarity and confidence. Instead of feeling paralyzed by indecision, you gain a balanced perspective on what’s keeping you stuck and what’s possible on the other side.
Practical Steps to Apply These Questions:
Journal Your Answers: Set aside 15–20 minutes to write freely about each question.
Find the Patterns: Notice any recurring fears, motivations, or hidden benefits that might be keeping you in place.
Create a Bridge Plan: Instead of diving headfirst into change, start with small steps that address your fears. For example, if time is a concern, commit to just 5 minutes of movement instead of a full workout.
Enlist Support: Share your reflections with someone you trust. Talking through your fears can help you reframe them and feel less alone in the process.
Why This Matters for Stress and Burnout Recovery
When you’re burned out, even thinking about change can feel exhausting. These four questions give you a structured way to explore your resistance without pressure or judgment. They help you understand that ambivalence isn’t a sign of failure—it’s a normal part of change. And once you see the full picture, you can move forward with intention, one small step at a time.
So if you’re feeling stuck, start by asking yourself these four crazy questions. The answers might just be the key to unlocking your next chapter.
Article References
The sources cited in the article:
Precision Nutrition (PN). "How To Talk To People So They’re More Likely To Change." PN - Change Talk
Positive Psychology (PP). “What Is Motivational Interviewing? A Theory of Change.” PP - What is Motivational Interviewing?
Cambridge University Press (CU). “Motivational Interviewing and Decisional Balance.” CU - Motivational Interviewing
National Institutes of Health (NIH). "Motivational Interviewing and Decisional Balance." NIH - Motivational Interviewing
Psychology Today (PT). “The Roots of Ambivalence.” PT - The Roots of Ambivalence
Psychology Today (PT). “Exploring Ambivalence.” PT - Exploring Ambivalence
