Are You Inadvertently Minimizing or Denying Trauma? Surprising Insights for High Achievers
Disclaimer: This article is based on my experience as a health and wellness coach and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice. Please consult a licensed therapist for personalized support.
If you read this and think “Maybe this is me,” you’re not broken. You are wildly capable.
Let’s be honest: if you’re a high-achieving professional, you’re probably used to pushing through discomfort, burying distractions, and pride yourself on your resilience, determination, and ability to thrive under pressure. These traits are often viewed as strengths, but they may also hold clues to an unexamined past.
What if that unrelenting drive isn’t just a personality trait but a coping strategy—one forged in childhood, hardened by experience, and fueled by unacknowledged trauma? For some, the very qualities that define their success may be rooted in adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) or other forms of trauma they have minimized, denied, or overlooked entirely.
This isn’t about therapy-speak or blame. This is about clarity, leadership, and health. If you’ve ever thought, "My childhood wasn’t that bad," or "I just hate losing," it might be time to dig deeper. Understanding what denial of trauma truly means and how it manifests is critical for individuals and leaders alike. This awareness isn’t just a personal endeavor; it can transform workplace dynamics and foster healthier, more supportive environments for all.
Trauma in Disguise: The High Achiever’s Blind Spot
Trauma doesn’t always look like chaos. It doesn’t have to be a car crash or catastrophic event. Sometimes, trauma is the slow drip of emotional neglect, perfectionistic parenting, or growing up in a household where unpredictability ruled the day. It’s the chronic stress your nervous system never quite recovered from.
And here's the kicker: high achievers are exceptionally skilled at covering it up. The busier, more accomplished, and more polished you are, the more likely it is that no one—including you—has ever paused long enough to ask: What’s really driving all of this?
What Does Denial of Trauma Look Like?
Denial is not always about hiding or consciously lying about one’s experiences. It’s often more subtle and complex. Here are some common ways denial can show up:
Unawareness of ACEs or Trauma: Many adults are unaware that they experienced trauma in their youth. Events like emotional neglect, parental divorce, or growing up in a household with substance abuse are often dismissed as "not that bad" or simply "the way things were."
Normalization of Dysfunction: When certain behaviors or environments were “normal” during childhood, they’re often not recognized as harmful. A parent’s constant criticism might be reframed as “tough love,” or exposure to yelling and conflict might be accepted as “how families communicate.”
Repression of Memories: Difficulty recalling childhood events can be a symptom of trauma. Repressed memories—an unconscious coping mechanism—often leave individuals thinking they simply have a poor memory, rather than recognizing the potential root cause.
Focus on Forward Momentum: Many high achievers have worked tirelessly to escape their past, creating a successful life as a way to distance themselves from painful experiences. Looking backward can feel like regression or a betrayal of their progress.
Denial Isn’t Always Conscious—But It’s Costly
Let’s clarify one thing: denial isn’t about lying to yourself. It’s often unconscious. And it manifests in subtle, socially acceptable ways that high performers rarely question:
“It wasn’t that bad.” You compare your story to others’ more dramatic experiences and convince yourself you’re fine.
“I just work better under pressure.” Translation: I don’t know how to feel safe unless I’m stressed.
“I don’t remember much of my childhood.” Common. Repression is a survival tool.
"I don’t have trauma." Statistically unlikely. Over 60% of adults have experienced at least one Adverse Childhood Experience (ACE). That number rises significantly among high-achieving adults with perfectionist tendencies
How Trauma Shapes High Performer Traits
You might think your perfectionism, people-pleasing, or obsessive work ethic are signs of strength. And in many ways, they are. But they also might be adaptations:
Perfectionism is often a response to chronic criticism or inconsistent approval. It becomes a shield: If I do everything perfectly, no one can hurt me.
People-pleasing can emerge from environments where conflict meant emotional withdrawal or punishment. So you learn to anticipate others’ needs at your own expense.
Relentless drive may be rooted in a need for control or validation, especially if your early environment was chaotic or dismissive.
These behaviors helped you survive. But they can quietly burn you out.
How It Shows Up at Work (Whether You Know It or Not)
High-achieving professionals often pride themselves on being calm under pressure. But unresolved trauma doesn’t vanish when you hit Director-level. It just shapeshifts:
Micromanagement: A need for control rooted in past instability.
Overachievement: Using success as a stand-in for self-worth.
Avoiding conflict: Because confrontation feels like danger, not dialogue.
Emotional reactivity: Triggers that seem disproportionate may trace back decades.
Leaders who ignore these patterns risk more than burnout. They risk creating environments that silently replicate trauma for others—teams where psychological safety is nonexistent, feedback feels threatening, and stress is worn like a badge of honor.
Examples of Minimization and Gaslighting
Trauma is often downplayed or dismissed, both internally and externally. Examples include:
Self-Gaslighting: "It wasn’t that bad," or "Other people had it worse."
Cultural Narratives: "That’s just how mothers/fathers are," or "Everyone’s parents yelled."
Workplace Gaslighting: HR or leadership downplaying workplace bullying, calling it "a misunderstanding" or "tough love."
Minimization perpetuates the cycle of denial, making it harder for individuals to recognize and address the root causes of their stress and behaviors.
So... Now What? A Practical Guide to Doing the (Uncomfortable) Work
You don’t need to unpack your childhood in your quarterly strategy review. But if you’re committed to performance, health, and leadership, you do need to get real about your internal operating system.
1. Take the ACEs Quiz (and Actually Sit With It)
Google “ACEs quiz” and take five minutes to assess your score. The goal isn’t to diagnose—it’s to connect the dots. Your childhood experiences shape your stress response, health risks, and emotional regulation as an adult.
2. Reevaluate What You Call "Normal"
Just because something was familiar doesn’t mean it was healthy. That constant pressure to achieve? That instinct to shut down emotionally? That wasn’t your personality—it was your nervous system doing triage.
3. Work With Trauma-Informed Professionals
Therapists and coaches who specialize in trauma can help you safely explore patterns without rehashing every painful memory. The goal isn’t to relive the past—it’s to stop the past from running the show.
4. Redefine Success
What if success wasn’t rooted in fear, but in fulfillment? What if your next career move prioritized peace of mind as much as prestige?
Many high performers unknowingly chase goals that are trauma-informed, not values-informed. Real success feels safe, energizing, and connected—not just productive.
5. Audit Your Boundaries
Unresolved trauma often leads to leaky boundaries—overcommitting, tolerating disrespect, or sacrificing rest for achievement. Boundaries are not just about saying "no." They’re about reclaiming your energy and agency.
6. Cultivate Emotional Awareness
Start small: Track your triggers, journal your reactions, and notice where you feel tension in your body. Emotional intelligence isn’t just a leadership buzzword—it’s trauma prevention in real time.
7. Be a Trauma-Informed Leader
A trauma-informed leader isn’t a therapist—they’re someone who:
Prioritizes psychological safety.
Models vulnerability and self-awareness.
Recognizes when team behaviors may be stress responses, not character flaws.
This doesn’t mean lowering standards. It means leading with clarity and compassion. It means creating environments where excellence doesn’t require emotional suppression.
Final Thoughts: You Can’t Optimize What You Won’t Acknowledge
If you’re reading this and thinking, “Maybe this is me,” you’re not broken. You’re human. And wildly capable.
But high performance isn’t about how much you can endure. It’s about how well you can care for the parts of yourself that once had to endure too much. This isn’t self-indulgence. This is self-leadership. And if you’re serious about sustainable success, it starts here.
Trauma may be a surprising source of your drive, but it doesn’t have to define your future. By acknowledging and addressing unresolved wounds, you can transform how you lead, live, and thrive—both personally and professionally.
Disclaimer: The information provided in this article is for informational purposes only and is based on my expertise as a health and wellness coach specializing in stress management and burnout recovery. I am not a licensed therapist, psychologist, or medical professional. If you are experiencing significant mental health challenges or believe you may need professional mental health support, I encourage you to consult with a qualified therapist or healthcare provider.
Article References
The sources cited in the article:
Inc. “75% of Super High Achievers Come From Troubled Families: Here’s Why.” Inc. - 75% of Super High Achievers Troubled Families
Forte Labs. “The Body Keeps the Score: Book Summary.” Forte Labs - The Body Keeps the Score
Psychology Today (PT). "Perfectionism: A Common Result of Childhood Trauma.” PT - Perfectionism: Result of Childhood Trauma
Positive Psychology (PP). “Childhood Trauma & Its Lifelong Impact.” PP - Childhood Trauma & Its Lifelong Impact
Verywell Mind (VM). “Hyper-Independence and Trauma: What’s the Connection?” VM - Hyper Independence and Trauma
PsychCentral. “Trauma Denial: Why It’s Important to Work Through It.” PsychCentral - Trauma Denial: Important to Work Through It
Psychology Today (PT). “You Can Be A High Achiever Even with a Trauma Background.” PT - High Achiever Trauma Background