Taking Back Control: The Power of Self-Agency in a World That Wants You on Autopilot
What Does It Mean to Have Agency Over Your Life?
Let’s cut to the chase—having agency means you’re in the driver’s seat of your own life. It’s your ability to make conscious choices, set your direction, and take meaningful action. It’s knowing you can pivot, course-correct, and make decisions based on your goals, values, and what actually serves you.
When you have agency, you’re not just reacting to life’s curveballs—you’re the one calling the shots, deciding how you’ll respond, and shaping your own outcomes. Sounds empowering, right? That’s because it is.
How Do We Give Up Agency? (And Why Are We So Damn Good at It?)
Here’s the kicker: most people hand over their agency without even realizing it. It happens in small, subtle ways that compound over time. You might be doing it right now.
You let your calendar run you. Back-to-back meetings, an inbox that never stops screaming, and a schedule dictated by other people’s priorities. Suddenly, you’re not living your life—you’re surviving someone else’s.
You wait for permission. Whether it’s from your boss, your family, or society at large, you hesitate to take action until someone else gives you the green light.
You outsource decisions. From career moves to personal health, you let external circumstances (or worse, trends) dictate your choices rather than making them based on your own needs and values.
You operate on autopilot. You follow routines that no longer serve you because “that’s just the way things are.” You keep pushing through stress and exhaustion instead of questioning whether there’s a better way.
You let fear drive the bus. Fear of failure, fear of disappointing others, fear of stepping outside the norm—whatever the fear, it convinces you that staying put is safer than making a move.
Sound familiar? You’re not alone. But the cost of giving up agency is high: chronic stress, burnout, resentment, and a nagging feeling that you’re stuck in a life you didn’t actively choose.
Why Is It Critical to Stop Giving Up Agency?
Because the alternative is living at the mercy of everything and everyone else. And let’s be honest—that’s not a strategy, that’s surrender.
When you don’t exercise agency, you:
Burn out faster. Constantly responding to external demands without asserting your own needs is a direct line to exhaustion.
Lose confidence. The more you defer decisions, the more you start believing you’re not capable of making them.
Feel stuck. Without agency, life happens to you instead of because of you.
Miss opportunities. The best opportunities don’t always come knocking—you have to go after them. Without agency, you won’t.
The good news? You don’t have to stay stuck. You can reclaim your agency, starting right now.
How to Take Your Agency Back (No More Excuses)
Taking back agency isn’t about burning your to-do list or quitting your job to “find yourself.” It’s about small, intentional shifts that add up to a life you actually want.
1. Stop Being Reactive. Start Being Proactive.
If you spend your entire day reacting to emails, meetings, and other people’s demands, you’re not in control—your inbox is. Block out time for strategic thinking, deep work, and self-care. Set boundaries around your availability. You don’t have to answer every email within five minutes. (Yes, really.)
2. Question the Defaults.
Just because something is “normal” doesn’t mean it’s right for you. Question routines, expectations, and social norms that don’t serve your goals. Do you actually need to work 12-hour days, or have you just convinced yourself that’s the only path to success?
3. Own Your Decisions—Big and Small.
Every choice you make, from what you eat for breakfast to how you spend your evenings, shapes your life. Start owning them. If something isn’t working, change it. No more blaming circumstances. No more “I don’t have a choice.” You do.
4. Define Your Own Metrics of Success.
If you’re measuring success by someone else’s yardstick, you’ll never feel like you’re winning. Define what success looks like for you. Not your boss, not your parents, not society—you.
5. Regulate Your Stress Response.
Chronic stress puts your brain in survival mode, making it harder to make empowered choices. Breathwork, mindfulness, strength training, sleep—all of these help regulate your nervous system so you can think clearly and act with intention.
6. Practice Decisiveness.
Indecision is the enemy of agency. Start making decisions more quickly, even on small things. Get comfortable with imperfect action. The more you practice, the more confident you’ll become in your own ability to lead your life.
7. Detach from Fear-Based Thinking.
Fear loves to whisper, “What if you fail?” Flip it. What if you don’t? What if you succeed? What if making this move is the thing that changes everything? Fear-based decision-making keeps you stuck. Courage-based decision-making moves you forward.
8. Protect Your Energy Like Your Life Depends on It (Because It Does).
Time is valuable, but energy is everything. Identify what drains you and what fuels you. Cut out energy vampires—whether they’re people, habits, or commitments that don’t align with where you want to go.
Final Thoughts
If you don’t take agency over your life, someone else will. Your boss, your industry, societal expectations—hell, even your smartphone’s notification settings are designed to dictate your attention.
Reclaiming agency is about waking up to the fact that you have the power to choose. To pivot. To create a life that aligns with your goals, your values, and your well-being.
So, the question is: Are you ready to take the wheel? Or are you going to keep letting life happen to you? The choice is yours. Always has been.
Article References
The sources cited in the article:
Psychology Today (PT). "Realign Your Life: 5 Steps to Get Control." PT - Realign Your Life: 5 Steps to Get Control
Psychology Today (PT). "Agency is the Highest Level of Personal Competence." PT - Agency Highest Level of Competence
Forbes. “How to Live in Alignment With Your True Values.” Forbes - How to Live in Alignment With Your True Values
Berkeley Wellbeing. "Losing Yourself: Definition & Examples." Berkeley Wellbeing - Losing Yourself: Definition & Examples
BetterUp. “How to Take Control of Your Life and Find Happiness.” BetterUp - Take Control of Your Life and Find Happiness
Verywell Mind (VM). “How to Find Yourself if You’re Feeling Lost.” VM - How to Find Yourself if You’re Feeling Lost
Calm. “How to Take Control of Your Life: 10 Ways to Empower Yourself.” Calm - How to Take Control of Your Life
